Some day, I will let you read this.

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Monday, 22 October 2012 | 06:33 | 0 Atasinchi

The last time I updated this blog was when we were still broken up.

I know today was my fault. I shouldn't have said what I said. I knew I was wrong but I was so annoyed that you got so angry with me that I just wouldn't give in.

And then that message came.

Do you honestly think that message has any other meaning? To you it might but to other it doesn't. I showed it to Rayne lol. Even he said it was messed up. Dun worry, he isn't siding with me, he said I was wrong to.

I said I'm looking for another guy to accompany me on a trip. What you said was for me to find another boyfriend and you know it.

Even if you were trying to prove a point, don't you think you've gone to far this time? So just cause you are trying to prove a point, that means you have done NOTHING wrong? That's ridiculous, Ron. And you know it.

And honestly, I didn't know it was that embarrassing to be with me. I already try to control myself around you. I thought after Ruby Sparks you will let me be... well, me. But apparently not. You are always trying to control how am I, it's getting suffocating. You were okay for awhile after Ruby Sparks but you went back to the same ways.

Go talk to Rayne, you did say he is the only person you trust.

I love you, but for that sentence, I really really hate you.

This is the 2nd time you made me broke down on the train so bad.

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Day 2

Monday, 30 July 2012 | 20:23 | 0 Atasinchi

Hey how are you?

You were the first thing that came into my mind when I woke up this morning. Do you think of me at all? I hope you haven't forgotten me already.

You've got your Judo grading today. I'm sure you will do fine, I just hope you don't get yourself injured. You won't hear this until it's over but do your best.

When I was coming to school today, I bumped into a classmate of mine. She told me all about her experience with her ex. How they broke up twice, how it took them 4 months to get together. She said she won't do anything this time cause she already did the previous time.

That's why I'm going to try very hard to win you back. Because you did all the work last time. Just don't shut yourself off.

I miss you so much. How you hold my hands, how you hugged me, how you kissed me. I miss your touch, I miss the times we spend together at your house.

I'm so stupid, lusting and loving over you at the same time.

I suddenly remember the way you always used to call me princess because I told you it makes me happy. I felt so warm on the inside everytime you did that. But somewhere along the way... you stopped and I had to remind you.

Remember how I told you I rather see the princess get together with a commoner who will do anything for her then a prince who will give her everything and a knight that will protect her?

Well, you're everything. My prince, my knight.

And I'm still waiting for the day that you will sweep me off my feet again, just like how you always do.

Taylor Swift's the Story of Us really sounds like it's describing us, but here's the difference:

I won't let this be the end.

Hard work pays off right? I will try really really hard. To make you happy, to make you fall in love with me, to make you mine again. My first step? This entire blog. I want to let you know how I feel. When we meet again, I will make you sit down and read it all. I will figure out what to do from there I guess.

You know how you said I was suffocating you and you reached your limit?

I understand how you feel now. That was how I felt with my ex. I was scared you would stop loving me if I didn't remind you I was there. But that was wrong.

They are right, absence does make the heart grow fonder.

The more I don't meet you, the more I miss you.

So if we are together again, I've finally learnt my lesson. I will give you space to breathe, I promise.

Listening that song REALLY makes me want to text you. I was thinking maybe I try my luck in a week instead of two? I'm going really crazy!

But I feel so different now.

I was deciding weather I should SMS you good luck for Judo and when I did, you replied with a thank you. I WAS SO HAPPY. I don't know why, slap me. Maybe cause I thought you won't reply me at all? But the way I'm feeling now... it really feels like a schoolgirl in love with some boy who doesn't know she exist.

I have no idea why I get that feeling.

I took 2 COMPLETE walks around school before FINALLY deciding to drop by the sport halls to see if you are there but here is the retarded thing: I DIDN'T EVEN DARE TO GO IN.

I crouched down at the 3rd story entrance and low and behold, you are there pulling the mattress. I looked for awhile (FROM THE OUTSIDE) before mentally slapping myself and walking away.

I'M GOING REALLY BLOODY CRAZY.

Omg why is it that even though I'm away from you I feel like I'm falling in love with you more and more? What th hell is this!!!

I am so fucking stress over my projects now. I normally feel so calm about it, cause you are always there morally supporting me. But now that you are not I’m just... so close to breaking down. You were really my pillar of support.

I just gave you the link to this blog, hopefully you will read it.

I said I understand but I didn’t. Why is it too soon to be friends again? I really don’t understand. Are you scared this will affect you or something? Really this is too painful...

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Day 1

Sunday, 29 July 2012 | 18:57 | 0 Atasinchi

So I came up with this so I won't disturb you. It's hard to not text you. It's hard to keep away from someone you are so used to be with. The first day, it's always the hardest.

Ron, I'm scared of dying. Really scared. I don't want to waste a single day of my life. To me... being away from you, not talking to you, is like wasting a day. So I will try to treasure it by doing things you would have wanted me to do.

I found this on my wall:

Ron NgBabovinny!
1) Date or pass: Date but you have targets already. *suspicious look*
2) Cute or ugly: Cute and pretty. But sometimes, you act cute.
3) Nice or Mean: Nice?
4) Real or Fake: OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE real.
5) Love/Like/ Hate: Love : Lux. Like : Your Cookies? Hate : When you're terribad at Lux.
6) Marry on Facebook: NO. Go fly kite.
7) Chill or ditch: Chill then ditch. No la just kidding.
8) Hug or kiss : NEVAR. jk.
9) Best features: Your hair. Because short and reasons.
10) How we met: NYP Roflmao
11) Do i want your number: Already have it.
12) Do I regret meeting you: NOPE! Play diablo damn it.
13) Rate: 9001/10

This was before we got together. Then there's this:

Ron Ng
1. How we met: On the bridge when you shouted my name, then we look at each other in the eye and started circling each other with arms raised.
2. Who are you to me: Some girl that was a stranger that became a friend that became a good friend that became someone I hated that became a good friend then became my girlfriend. ♥ ♥ ♥
3. Your name in my phone: Crystal ♥
4. Rate from 1-10: Since I'm a programmer, 0010 0011 0010 1000(hint: use the windows calculator to convert)
5. What I like best about you: Your personality :D
6. What I dislike about you: You shout at me *sob sob* jk la.Uhhh, your act cute face. And that face you did today!
7. Favorite memory of us: The buffet face. The teddy face. The piglet face. The ring face.
8. My first impression of you: Like quiet and sweet, then suddenly so violent but loveable ♥
9. How close are we: Slightly less close compared to the bonds that bind matter together.
10. Should you make this your status so I can like your status: I sense an infinite loop!

You and your stupid answers... I miss you so much. Hey, right now I'm going to redo this post for you.

1) Date or pass: Date, if ever do get a chance again.
2) Cute or ugly: So cute when we are alone together. I don't want anyone else to see that cute side of you.
3) Nice or Mean: Nice, you made me so happy.
4) Real or Fake: Real, just no here.
5) Love/Like/ Hate: Love : Love, right now I still love you. I probably still will when we are friends again.
6) Marry on Facebook: Relationship status first, only when we really do in the future.
7) Chill or ditch: Chill, just like before.
8) Hug or kiss : Both, I miss your hugs and kisses.
9) Best features: Your awkward smile.
10) How we met: NYP League
11) Do i want your number: I have it, it will always be in my phone.
12) Do I regret meeting you: Nope, you made me so happy.
13) Rate: 10/10, I'm not lying.

1. How we met: I called out to you when I saw you on the bridge, you had that stupid blur look on your face (:
2. Who are you to me: A stranger, a friend, a stranger, a friend, a good friend, my love, a stranger who will always be in my heart. One day we will be friends again, then good friends and who knows? Maybe we will fall in love again.
3. Your name in my phone: Ron ( I changed your name, I didn't want to. )
4. Rate from 1-10: 10
5. What I like best about you: You make me happy.
6. What I dislike about you: You... didn't really give me a chance to prove myself.
7. Favorite memory of us: When you confessed to me, and every moment we spend together.
8. My first impression of you: Asshole who underestimates girls!
9. How close are we: Right now? We are so... distant.
10. Should you make this your status so I can like your status: I hope that one day you can do this back for me, again.

You know I was eating in south canteen today. I suddenly remembered the stupid things I did before we were dating. I used to tweet about how I was eating in south canteen. At first, it was Kun Liang to notice. But somewhere along the lines... I wanted you to be the one to notice. I wanted either you or Brandon to see it, so that you will come and find me. And when you did, I felt so happy.

Remember how I told you I like Kun Liang? Well, somewhere along the lines, it became a line. I wanted to see if you would become jealous. True, I did like him at first, but I started to notice you, a lot. I constantly wanted to text you and I constantly looked out for you. I don't know why I was so attracted to you.

I noticed everything. Be it how you spiked your hair, how you had a single piercing, how you dressed and the things you say.

Everywhere I go, well in school anyway, holds a memory of you. Be it a memory of while we were together, or one before we were together. From running man to just hanging around school I can't remember exactly what we were saying, but I know one thing.

We were both happy.

If I had a chance to go back in time, I would tell myself, "Hey, treasure that guy, if not, he will leave you one day." That way things might have turned out differently.

I really really miss you right now.

I kind of realized why we were so unhappy in our relationship. Before our relationship, I faked myself so many times in front of you, even during our relationship. Thats why you did not know who you were falling for, that's why it felt like I changed so much in the relationship, that's why you were so unhappy. This time, I promise, I won't fake anything. I will show you who I really am, no lies.

I keep thinking, will you grow close to another girl? I'm scared. I don't want to lose my chance before I get it. I just want one chance, one chance to make you fall in love with me again, one chance to prove that things will be different this time. Ron, the past does not define the future.

When I got off the train this morning, the Jurong East train just arrived. I thought I might see you. When I walked down the stairs, I thought I saw you in your green armani shirt hair spiked up, but I think that was an illusion.

But later that day, I really did see you.

I was sitting near the window at Koufu when my hear skipped a beat. I saw Brandon. That mean you were being dismissed. I sat there, staring out, wondering if I will see you. I went out to the toilet, came back and saw Alex.

But no you.

I knew if I kept waiting I will see you, but I was tired. If god doesnt want me to see you, so be it.

While walking to the MRT station, I kept turning back. No you. At the very last moment, I did. I went to the escalator, turned back one last time and there you were on the opposite end, heading up. You were wearing your grey checkered shirt. Your hair looked spiked from afar. When I reached the platform, your train just arrived. I knew you would rush in but I still rushed over to the other side hoping I might see you.

Nope, you were gone.

At that moment my train arrived and I started tearing up, crying again. You might not believe in fate, but I do. Fate that we will be together again. Might sound silly to you though. But me seeing you today, I don't think it was a mere coincidence. Did you notice I was in front of you when you were walking to the MRT?

When I see you online on Garena I really want to play with you but I can't. Cause I can't concentrate. Because I feel sad that I can't talk to you.

Ron, 2 weeks is more then enough for a person to change. My hair will be slightly longer, cause I know you said that you want to see me with my Korean hair again. I will be more mature, you said I sounded more mature yesterday, right? I will be more feminine, because which guy doesn't like a feminine girl? Especially you.

I still remember you keep telling me to be more "siwen", to talk softer, to be more gentle. To be more ladylike.

If I still love you, I will try really hard to be the girl you wanted me to be. I will try to make you fall for me again, so that I won't regret. I think when we are friends again, I probably still will love you.

You have changed me in so many ways, you just don't realize it yet.

I suddenly remember how I always asked everyone how they want to die. You were the one who started saying natural death then everyone followed you.

You better read this, if not you will die an unnatural death.

Sighs, I've think I've edited this at least 5 times. I hope you read it...

♠